from my guilty pleasure, The New York Observer's Love Beat:

"He proposed over a Venetian canal at sunset, presenting Ms. Giuca with a three-carat, round-cut, platinum-set solitaire diamond from Leo Schacter."

Leo Schacter?!? well excuuuuuuuse me. just say it - Kay Jewelers!!

but is it "wise"?

from my favorite, NY Times Real Estate section:

"JAMIE-LYNN SIGLER, who plays Meadow Soprano on the HBO series "The Sopranos," closed this month on a two-bedroom apartment on Leonard Street in TriBeCa. According to the deed, she paid $2.15 million for the space, which is about 2,500 square feet."

does Jamie-Lynn have this much money? how much do you think she gets paid for the Sopranos? does AJ pay her alimony? I'm sure that she has enough for a down payment, perhaps even the whole kit 'n' kaboodle. but given her track record, she better make sure she has enough left over to buy groceries or hope and pray Heidi Fleiss puts herself in the news again.

Welcome the celebrebabies no one cares about!!

Baby Johnny! (to Mira Sorvino & Chris Backus)
Kingston James McGregor Rossdale! (to Gwen Stefani & Gavin Rossdale)

now go join Grier and Moses in the sandbox and hush up until you snag a playdate with Suri or Shilloh.

poor jude!

running shots are the cruelest!! no one looks good when they run and with a photog capturing your every move, there must be intense pressure to keep running even if you get tired.

the shorts have got to go, and i don't mean in that way. he looks like he just crawled out of bed - a no-no for a celeb! doesn't he know who he is?!?!?

in other news, i hear he and Sienna are "working things out". aiyee, i guess only the brits are allowed to be this kooky!

desperado of the day

Jennifer Faniston Helen A.S. Popkin wrote an op-ed on the subject of Baby Brangelina for msnbc.com. it heaps buckets of praise upon about Jennifer, Vince and Jennifer & Vince and does some deep-dish dissing of Angelina, Brad and baby.

while op-eds and especially gossip op-eds require no fact-checking or source confirmation, i have no idea how Popkin wrote this with a straight face:

"Maybe it’s just as well if 'Oceans 13' doesn’t get made. Personally I’m not one for sequels. Oh, apparently there’s going to be a 'Mr. & Mrs. Smith II.' Me, I prefer original screenplays. They’re much more … honest. They don’t belong to somebody — or something — else. Original movies like 'Derailed,' 'Rumor Has It' and of course, 'The Break Up' do gangbusters at the box office."

i get it - Brad's a lying louse! moveon.org!

if any of Aniston's movies made money, she would have had an inch of footing to stand on. only one of her movies has been a box-office success: Bruce Almighty. and it's spawning a sequel! without Jim Carrey or Jennifer Aniston!

thanks to the accounting department of imdb.com, let's see just how much money it takes to bust up a gang these days:

Derailed: $36,020,063
Rumor Has It: $42,996,140

that takes care of the Crips and Bloods. with Vince's comedy track record, The Break Up should eliminate MS-13 no problem!

someone's sucking it in

what did this woman do to your self-confidence?

my mama-jama recap

so i've finally had time to digest the two-hour American Idol mega-finale and here are my thoughts:

- Bucky sounded worlds better than he ever did on the show!! he harmonized with Daughtry and he didn't make it stink!! i don't know if he's gonna make it in the biz, but if he continues his good sounds into the tour, perhaps some country start-up label will take a "Buck" shot!

- Paris sounded worse this time around. her duet with Al Jarreau was butt. and her sound was so inconsistent, it seems like she forgot how to sing into a microphone.

- speaking of microphones, why does Carrie Underwood insist on hiding behind hers? i'll admit, i didn't watch last season's AI (it took me two whole years to recover from Aiken!), but i don't get her at all. i heard her version of "Alone" from the competition and i did think that rocked, but she just doesn't give me any emotion when she sings. now that i've seen her perform a little, i realize that Kellie Pickler was probably the victim of Carrie Underwood backlash. who needs two American Idols in a row who sound pretty as a peach, but look completely snoozapalooza when they sing? is it too late to vote for Bo Bice?

- Elliot + Mary J. = HEAVEN!!! seriously, the second i heard Elliot start "One", i knew that Mary was going to be his partner - she has been riding the 1 Train ever since the Tsunami, people!! i think that Elliot was too polite or in awe to truly take his place with Mary, but once he did - magic!! if Elliot had chosen "One" or any song with more rock sensabilities during the competition, i think he would have stolen some Daughtry fans who figured a)he's married and b)he's every other girl's favorite. Elliot fared better than any of the Idols, Soul Patrol included!! everything he sang sounded great and i am sure we will be hearing from him soon.

- Katharine + Meat Loaf = Presto Strange-o!! if you need proof that Katharine cannot act, look no further than her mini-musical with the Meat. first off, Meat sounded terrible!! what happened to him?? i am hoping and praying that Bat Out of Hell III has some juice in it, but the prospects are not good. second, Katharine was so disgusted with him, she couldn't even look him in the eye when she sang with him. she just seemed too snobby. McPheever broken!

- Daughtry + Live = Sweet!! i actually like Live a lot (brides to be, think of the acoustic version of "Heaven" for your father-and-daughter dance or PowerPoint slide show!) and thought that they sounded great together. i thought Ed hogged the mike a bit - folks were here to see Chris and their thunderous cheers proved it. i'm just glad that Daughtry got to reconnect with his fans in time to save him from obscurity. but go easy on the singing, boy - at that rate, your voice will never survive the tour!

- Soul Patrol + Toni B. = BARF!! you ever see the episode of Degrassi Junior High when Kathleen has to have her Quest for the Best teammates over her house to watch the tape of the returning champions and Kathleen's mother embarasses everyone because she's stone cold drunk?? that's what it felt like to watch Toni Braxton try to sex her way into "the ghetto" with Taylor. Bedroom-eyes McPhee, learn from this: this is what happens when you rely on sex rather than talent.

CLAY!!!!!!!!


you have rendered me speechless. while i was thrilled to see you perform again, after your self-imposed sexile, the look was gross!! you look gross!! and i love you enough to tell you this!! what is going on? do you need help? i will help you, but you need to ask for it. seriously, i don't know where this train is heading, but it is not good. Clay, just come out already and become the George Michael/Elton John lovechild the world has been waiting for!!!!! the world can no longer be denied your gift!!

and while you're at it, quit asking for the "Eddie Furlong" at the salon!!


speaking of Eddie Furlong, what the hell is this?!?!?!? this just came out last year!!!!

my DVR can br-reathe again (br-reathe again)!!

thanks to narc.com reader Brian for the scoop!

"NBC, as expected, announced that it is moving to another night its new Thursday night 9 p.m. drama for the 2006-07 season, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, to Monday night at 10, and will replace it in that Thursday time period with hit game show Deal or No Deal."

Matthew Perry looks like butt. i am so glad i now cannot be responsible for the cancellation of this show!

hmm...verdict is still out on Ashlee Simpson's new nose (right?!? i wouldn't have known it was her if i didn't see the photo on my beloved People).

it could be a bad photo, but she looks a lot cheaper with her new schnozz. kinda skanky? i don't know, i don't want to be too hard on the lady, but i think it might have been a little too late in her career to presto chango. once you have 2 albums under one nose, stick with it...

Mary J. Blige: "One" trick pony

she's turning into Bono, people. just giving you fair warning.

narc.com's 1st annual Danny Glover Memorial Award goes to a seducing Toni Braxton, who proves that, even thought Taylor looks like he's pushing 40, she's "getting too old for this shit!"

who is this?

what has Clay done with Clay? what is this sh*t?

this is Clay's triumphant return - singing Elton with a tone-deaf Clay look-a-like? i wonder if Clay spoke to anyone backstage - i bet not. he's got mucho damage control swirling around him since "the scandal". word to the wise, straightening your hair will not necessarily make you "straight".

i will try my best to dissect last night's results show, but it is too ridiculous to do in one sitting...but piece by piece, my opinion will emerge.

insult to injury

did you know that Tori Spelling auditioned for the role of Katharine McPhee's father? she got the looking-like-a-dude thing down, but couldn't cry on cue.

separated at birth?

Oprah and Elie Wiesel walking through Auschwitz...

...and Carrie and "The Russian" riding through Central Park.

where are her friends?

who let Kimberly Caldwell leave the house looking like this?

i know you want to be a D-list celebrity reporter (not to be confused with a D-list celebrity, which is the equvilant of an A-list celebrity reporter) and co-hosting TV Guide Channel's Idol Tonight is a great start, but a word to the wise: The Katie Wagner look is not the answer.

yes, you make me proud!

Soul Patrol owned last night's show!! i have already rewound his "single" 10 times on my DVR. i agree, not the best song in the world, but the chorus is catchy and Taylor sells it hard!!

of course, in the land that booted Daughtry, there is no sure thing. but just as people cried "Foul!" that fateful night, there will be a lot of head scratching going on if Katharine is crowned our American Idol.

Taylor simply outsung her, no way around it. yes, i heard Katharine's rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". yes, i thought it was good, great even. but a glossy interpretation of a classic does not an Idol make. you might be saying, "What about Fantasia's 'Summertime'?" well, if Katharine's competition was Dianna DeGarmo, i would saying we've all caught the McPheever. but Soul Patrol is genuine tough competition. his fans are crazier than Daughtry's or Jammin Yamin's.

in the end, Taylor alone achieved the task at hand - take a brand new song and make it your own. Katharine's song was completely forgettable and i have to blame her for it. the opening of "My Destiny" sounded like Evanescence-lite, and it went downhill from there. when Katharine doesn't have control over the melody, some wonky stuff happens and last night she was flailing in the wind like nobody's business...and that sad move to her upper register - she simply doesn't have the power of Kelly Clarkson.

Taylor, on the other hand, overcame his vintage opening slump to bring "Do I Make You Proud" to a rousing, celebratory closing. it was great. it sounded like something i would hear on mainstream radio (which should assuage the fears of many Hicks Hackers) and it sounded like Taylor and Taylor alone!!

i will be sad if Taylor does not win because i think he deserves to. if it were a showdown between Taylor and Daughtry, i would be torn, because i think both bring a sound that has been absent from Idol since its beginning. but if you're going to match up Taylor and a second-rate Kelly Clarkson, the choice is obvious.

Soul Patrol!!!!

nuptuals whassuptuals

was reading the Times' Sports Page for Ladies and saw that Cara Nussbaum, the Sarah Jessica Parker look-a-like of The Real World: Chicago, got married!

for those who don't know or remember or care, Cara was that season's "I-just-broke-up-with-my-boyfriend-and-want-to-be-free" girl. she got together with old boyfriends and friends or friends - she even pulled a groupie maneuver with a "Huge Rock Star!" that i had never heard of before or since.

i refamiliarized myself with her romantic escapades that season - poor hubby!! i'm glad those two found their way because the guy she married isn't even mentioned in any of these romance recaps and, according to the Times, he was the guy she broke up with when she got on the show! not a blip about Scott, but a hellalot of mentions of some dude named Jared. aiyee!!

in other opinion, i love love love her dress (Monique Lhullier, natch) and am tickled that her Real World co-star/soap-stud Kyle was in attendance.

for all you Grey's Anatomy fan out there...

watch this!! it's the Grey's Anatomy presentation at the ABC network upfront. interesting how Katherine Heigl isn't there...watch this, please - it gets gooooooood around 2:57.

sorry, dunno how to post youtubes just yet...

do not make me choose!!

ABC is moving Grey's Anatomy to Thursdays at 9pm. what the eff?!?!?

no, i am not a CSI fan. my conundrum comes from Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Aaron Tokin's new show on NBC.

you see, Sports Night is one of my all-time favorite shows. ever. they only had two seasons, but i have watched every episode at least a dozen times. pre-Desperate Housewives Felicity Huffman, pre-Six Feet Under Peter Krause, pre-obscurity Josh Charles, pre-and-post stroke Robert Guillaume and the exquisite Sabrina Lloyd, these people have seen me through some rough television times. so i feel indebted to Aaron Tokin' to watch his show. not The West Wing, mind you - i thought that was self-congratulatory muckruck.

but Studio 60 looks real good!! i read the pilot script and it has a lot of similarities to Sports Night, hopefully more than West Wing. it skewers SNL, who has been asking for it for years. i just hope that the extra 30 minutes packs some juice. i thought Sports Night was perfection in a bottle (even after Dana and Casey got together, people), so i am hoping this holds some of the same magic.

so, if possible, i think i need to watch Studio 60 and tape Grey's. i know, that seems crazy. but i cannot believe Grey's is moving. i loved it on Sunday. i relied on it on Sunday. Thursday? where the big boys play - i happen to be a big boy who doesn't watch TV on Thursdays, so i'm screwed. now i really have to remember to turn off my DVR before i leave the house.

what do we feel about this?

In Touch says that J. Lo is preggers. apparently touching your belly and showing gray roots are the proof in the pudding.

what do you think, people? do we approve? do we care? i know she would like us to care, but i just can't muster up the strength. i don't like Marc Anthony - i watched his In Style Weddings when he renewed his vows with Dayanara Torres and looked like a blubbering fool. and then he dumps her for J. Lo - dirty pool.

also, this baby is going to be so butt i won't know what to do with myself.

Harry CJ, i don't know wanna know your "Skinny Secrets"...

it's been jammin', Yamin...

of course it was Elliot's turn to go last night. he might sing circles around Soul Patrol and Katharine on his on-nights, but on his off-nights he just looked too bland and stiff. it's like he was the ultimate perfectionist - if he was turning in a subpar performance, he'd let you know it. as opposed to Pickler, who tried to sell that crap all the way to the end - no, i never bought that "I botched it" jive. if she were really truthful and endearing, she would have said, "I murdered the living daylights out of that song" on multiple occasions.

i got home around 9:45pm, just in time for them to present an award to Clive Davis. and then they revealed the elimination. the show started at 9pm - what did they do all that time?? probably the world's saddest medley of Clive hits.

did you see Katharine's family when Elliot was eliminated? they were beaming. they couldn't contain or get over themselves. i know they were thrilled that a full third of the voters are stricken with McPheever, but trust that Seacret Out will give the final two their props and then you can go on the gush fest. i just thought it was in bad taste. i actively want her to lose now, and i'm sure that, with that little televised snippet, Soul Patrol inherited all of Elliot's votes.
look at how greasy and cheesy Elliot used to be!! man, Idol gave him a sense of style - he turned Little Jaw into a certified cutie!!

the vote total was so close!!! 33.68% vs. 33.26% vs. 33.06% - a real SQUEAKER!!

man up, Soul Patrol - time to break the McPheever!!

For what you get in return, it's a STEAL.

for a fraction of the price of a cup of coffee, you can own two piles of garbage.

i bought them both, of course - why is Katie constantly crying?

Grey's makes me pays - again!!

i checked the music listing for the Grey's Anatomy season finale. i wanted the music used when Izzie quit.

it's called "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol. their song, "Somewhere a Clock is Ticking" was featured when Izzie cut Denny's LVad wire in the precursor to the season finale.

these dudes?!? my friend recommended Snow Patrol in the beginning of last year and, while i liked some of their songs, i just wasn't that into them. they kept coming up on my iPod shuffle and i couldn't pay it any mind. i just wasn't getting hooked.

but now, in the context of Grey's, they make so much sense - they make great songs!!

are you LOST freakies gonna make me watch LOST?

is there any hope for a girl who's only seen one episode total of Lost? that's not even one complete episode, but parts of a couple of episodes.

JJ tells us that this will be the greatest season finale in the history of season finales. i find that hard to believe, but i do think that anyone who has the balls to make a claim like that must have something interesting lurking underneath. would i even understand it?

i need to know if there is room on this bandwagon to board!

UPDATE: geez, i probably won't even be home to watch or DVR this. forget it. i'll just pack my whining into my Oceanic Airlines bag and jet.

go easy on the Soul Patrol...

Taylor - you are pretty much a lock for the finals. will you calm down, please?

i didn't realize until last night how much Taylor flashes that "Soul Patrol" card - every second he's not singing, apparently. stay classy, Taylor!!

my thoughts on last night's performances:

Elliot - it was fun while it lasted. last week you pulled the rabbit out of the hat when you hit the ball out of the park, but i'm out of "out of"-s. it's time for you to go. you screwed up Journey?? what's wrong with you?!? you are the white boy with absolutely no white boy sensibilities!! to screw up Journey in front of Randy - that put you in a dog pound on a different color.

i don't even remember the next two songs that well. you did Paula's choice nicely. and when all else fails (and it will tomorrow night), you can always work for the Donny Hathaway Appreciation Society. but you lost the fighting spirit that you had last week...i think you were still shocked you were still here.

i cannot believe you wore that cheapo Kangol to meet Clive Davis. and the schmooziness you displayed when meeting him - "I am looking forward to working with you in the very near future" - don't catch a case of the Daughtry Hubris!

Katharine - you deserved to go last week, but since that didn't happen, you fought like heck and don't deserve to go this week. but i wouldn't mind if you did. you are still trying to have sex with us through your song and unless you are singing out of your hoo-hoo, that ain't gonna happen.

your "Over the Rainbow" was really great and the fact that Simon chose your song shows that he wants you to move on and win it. of course, he's only thinking of $$ and you are the most marketable, but it definitely is a plus to have him on your side. of course, the judges all liked Chris, and look at what happened to him.

by the way, did you see the "WHERE'S CHRIS?" sign in the background - yikes! i hope that audience member wasn't clubbed after the taping.

your other two songs were eh - i hate that "I Believe I Can Fly", and you didn't do it well. your Ella song was a great audition for Broadway's Beauty & The Beast, which is where we'll find you this time, next year.

Taylor - stop moving!! way to make Paula feel like Courtney Cox during "Dancing in the Dark" and then promptly ditch her while you dash back onstage for the end of the song. good vocals, though, and i cannot believe that Bruce gave you the rights. i imagine the phone conversation went like this:

Bruce: Hello?
Clive: Clive here. Let Taylor Hicks sing "Dancing in the Dark".
Bruce: Who?
Clive: The old dude on American Idol.
Bruce: Oh. No thanks.
Clive: [muffled voices]
Bruce: What's that sound?
Clive: Scialfa in the trunk of my car. You sure you don't wanna rethink this?
Bruce: Fine, give him the damn song! Just let her go!
Clive: Soul Patrol!

exactly like that.

Randy chose Taylor's next song and he finally got to complete the Joe Cocker impression with "You Are So Beautiful to Me". i was afraid that it was going to be another mellow start and it was, but Simon liked it. as for his personal choice, "Try a Little Tenderness", it seemed like he added too many lyrics, but he still rose to the occassion and since i love that song, i feel he is safe...but who knows??

we will see who goes home tonight!!

yawners...

Nicole Kidman engaged? eh, do we care? we met her as "Mrs. Tom Cruise", stuck by her as "The Former Mrs. Tom Cruise" and now she's just "Frozen Frigid Nicole".

the end of Mop Top & Peg Leg

LONDON, England (CNN) -- Former Beatle Paul McCartney and his wife, Heather Mills McCartney, have announced that they are separating after four years of marriage.

i never liked them, then were happy for them, then forgot about them.

no pre-nup - aiyee!! Heather, enjoy your gazillions!

Oprah mysteries, explained...

how on earth did Angie Harmon end up on Oprah yesterday??

first off, this photo looks like butt - and it's off the Oprah website!! i have a feeling that this is a clear case of "Burning off the celebrity footage". Angie was the star of the NBC show Inconceivable, which didn't even make it past 2 episodes last fall. they probably taped something with her in the hopes of using it to promote the show, or Sehorn or something. now that her star wattage has severely dimmed, they needed to use the footage quick or lose it forever. but what show can you build around 5 minutes of tape? ah, a live episode entitled "Best of the Best".

oh Angie, i'm so sorry Ali MacGraw had to come back into the spotlight to become "The Next Ali MacGraw".

make that a double - standard!!

on today's Oprah:


"Gayle King is on a mission—the best cake in America revealed!"

this follows her "Best Burger in America" segment a few months back. Gayle King is thin enough to jaunt around the country searching for fattening food without being looked at with shame. Oprah, on the other hand, needs to justify every food remotely fattening as being a "special rare treat", like her Williams-Sonoma croissants, which she insists she only eats once a year. but if it's good food, like what Dr. Oz recommends, she starts cabbage-patching and rubbing her health in our face.

no shame in indulging, Oprah. just be honest with it. i'm so glad you finally stopped blaming your weight gain on the that Africa trip you took a year ago.

Skinny Oprah R.I.P. - and that's okay.

TOO CUTE!!

i don't even like dogs, but this is just TOO CUTE!!


this is also too cute, but it also makes me nervous.

"Endanger Baby, One More Time"

poor rock-stupid Brit-Brit! we are merciless!

geez, we're just rooting for him to end up floating face-down in a pool, aren't we?

Watch your hatch, Hatch.

'Survivor' winner sentenced to 51 months in prison

PROVIDENCE, R.I. --Richard Hatch, who won $1 million in the debut season of "Survivor," was sentenced Tuesday to 4 years, 3 months in prison for failing to pay income taxes on his reality TV prize and other earnings.

What a university!!

Jodie Foster spoke at my alma mater monday for their commencement, which made me insanely jealous. i looooooove Jodie Foster and would have been thrilled to have her speak to my class. at my graduation, all we got was some Nobel Laureate.

i read a report on the commencement online - in her speech, she criticized our Katrina response and quoted Eminem, nothing i consider too out there, considering who she is. but what really got my attention was this last little nugget in the article:

"Comedian Yakov Smirnoff, who earned a master’s degree in positive psychology, was among the approximately 6,000 graduates."

WHAT?!?!?!? Yakov and i are fellow alumni?? like the state of his career immediately following the Cold War, this is no joke. i'm very impressed.

see you at the reunions, Yaki!!

unlame.

Denny died. Izzie quit. Derrick & Meredith did the nasty. Alex the douchebag was a sweetie. George made out heavy with Callie. there was also a prom going on.

the lameness of the 1st part ender was equalized.

LAME.

i am not even through Grey's Anatomy season finale and i am pissed off. Crash Test Dummy lived?!?!?!? complete and utter birdseed. makes me so mad - Izzie went psycho, she took the heart of another donor and her reward is a marriage proposal?? crazy.

girlfriend, no!!

did you watch Grey's Anatomy last night??? oh my goodness, i am so glad it concludes tonight because i couldn't wait another week to find out what happens with everyone.

since you probably didn't read it, but don't care, i'm gonna give my predictions/hopes:

Denny will die and Izzie will get kicked out of the program. for months, Katherine Heigl has been telling the press that one of the interns will not make it to the end of the year. we all thought it was Alex because he:
a) failed his boards the first time
b) wanted to do plastic surgery, which they don't do much of in Seattle
c) was a douche

but he has since:
a) passed his retake of the boards
b) stopped talking about wanting to do plastic surgery
c) become a douche with a heart of sorta-gold and talent

the writers on the gray's anatomy writers blog have major boners for Denny, although i don't know why. i don't hate him, but i don't see him as the huge catch worth killing your career over. plus, i think he looks like the lead singer of Crash Test Dummies:

Denny

Mmm mmm mmm mmm dude.

i think George likes Callie a lot, but cannot return her declaration of love. by the way, did you see when Sara Ramirez and Ellen Pompepe were in the same shot? Sara's head was HUGE compared to Pompepe's!! i hope Callie is not simply a rebound for George because i like her...and i think i like them together, but i am not too sure...

yes, the cat will be out of the bag for Derrick & Meredith's affections. poor Addison, just couldn't compete. i like Kate Walsh, though and hope she stays on the show - she was on one of my favorite Law & Order episodes.

i'll have to wait until tonight to see if i am right!!

Risa's #1 reason for wanting an NBC sitcom...

The never-ending stream of fundorable promo shots!!

"Work is serious...seriously fun!"

"What?!? Our breakout star has no clothes on? We didn't even notice."

"Can you tell by our generic outdoor cafe that we take place in New York?"

"What about now?"

"I don't know if you can tell by this photo, but one of us is crazy."

"The family that jeans together stays together."

what a QT!!

i gotta admit: the girl makes good baby.

STOLEN!!

my sister just ran into a high school friend of ours on the street who is going on tour with his band for 6 months. they recently just changed their name to:

LADYFINGERS

i feel violated!!! LADYFINGERS is my band's name. okay, so i don't actually have a band yet, BUT my UCB bio (outdated, so sue me) clearly shows that it is my band name of choice. i even used it as my name when i put up sketches! ugh. i feel violated.

LADYFINGERS* IS DEAD!! LONG LIVE LADYFINGERS*!!

*Risa's versions, natch.

Oprah's finally met her match

From all things Oprah:

"Breaking News! Oprah's Legends Ball Primetime Special Moved to Monday, May 22

Due to a nationwide address by President Bush Monday night, May 15—Oprah's Legends Ball Primetime Special has been moved to the following Monday, May 22 at 8:00 p.m. ET on ABC."

"Breaking News"? i guess. Oprah & Gayle must be scratching their heads wondering what on earth the President could say that would be worth postponing the sight of John Travolta crying and Tom Cruise carrying Katie Holmes. oh, and some black people.

by the way, did you feel Oprah's hard sell for the Legend's Ball TV Special?? the girl pulled a Salt 'n' Pepa and push it real good. get a babysitter so i can watch this? screw you! and what is the purpose of this special? i can't believe it's actually going to air - she spent so much time talking about the LB when it first happened, i thought i saw all there was to see. but, like Oprah tells me about everything else in my life, i was dead wrong.


poor Rachael Ray. you think you and the Op are actually friends. but we all see the dollar signs in her eyes when you make an appearance on her show. and you think she likes your food. girl, she doesn't even trust you with the drinks.

*%&#^&@#*!!

poor girl - this is so gross!

*%&#^&@#*!!

poor dude - this is so gross!

was the boot the troot?

conspiracy buzz on the block says that Chris Daughtry did not get the lowest votes on idol, but rather, was disqualified after his band signed to a record label. apparently, this is an idol no-no.

i know that the group Fuel gave him a job offer for their lead singer yesterday. shrewd move, Fuel - even if Daughtry doesn't take the job, you guys receive more publicity than you have in years. in an interview with McPaper, Chris keeps coy about his career possibilities:

"He wouldn't talk specifics, but said, 'There's going to be (a) flooding of opportunities and I can't really talk about them, but there are some lined up. I've got to field all my offers and make sure I'm doing the right thing for me. Everything's going to turn out great in the end.'"

a flooding? can you stay humble for a second, Chris? you know, he hardly, if ever, mentioned his wife or kids on idol? there are some folks who try to wring votes out of sympathy for their kids (Fantasia, Josh Gracin), but not Chris...i worry about his wife. i have a feeling that with the booty will come the boot. i hope not, but, again, the "boxer briefs"! if he couldn't keep his ego separated from his manpiece on television, how will he keep them separated when he has groupies in his face!!

and i liked Chris!! he was no Soul Patrol, but he is talented and i am sure he will be fine. these last couple of weeks just left a bitter taste in my mouth.

who is this guy? and why is he so special?

The New York Times Book Review published their choice as "the single best work of American fiction published in the last 25 years" today. the winner was "Beloved" by Toni Morrison, with 4 runners-up, including Philip Roth's "American Pastoral" that's special, but not amazing.

what is amazing is that, in the list of books receiving multiple votes, five of Philip Roth's works were mentioned! out of 22 books total, he wrote 5 of them!! is this guy one of the greatest American authors of all time?

to be fair, Don DeLillo was cited 3 times. but to have over 20% of the greatest books of the last 25 years...that is amazing!!

i don't even read - why do i care about this??

Daughtry OUT?!? Seacrest NO!!!

Separated at birth:


Chris Daughtry's reaction to his American Idol elimination...


...and Corky St. Clair's reaction to Guffman's no-show...

who's going home?

of course you watched American Idol last night, i won't even bother asking. on with my thoughts...Elvis Night!!

Taylor - i really wanted to hear you sing "Burnin' Love" or "Suspicious Minds", but i will definitely take "In the Ghetto"!! that was my favorite performance of the night because it actually sounded like a recording you would make, as opposed to an American Idol assignment. a great step into being taken more seriously as a recording artist, not just a showman.

that said, Soul Patrol, i don't understand why you spend so much time in the audience!! you're not so spry you can go running around without sounding winded and you spend half of your time to the judges' backs! no wonder simon didn't like it, you weren't playing to him at all. i didn't care for the moves at all, but i did like the song okay.

Chris - what was with the glasses? they looked so stupid! and the "boxer-briefs"? you're MARRIED. if i were your wife, i would be furious!! chill the eff down - you aren't getting anymore booty than the one you're sworn to, so stop trying to get America wet!!

thank goodness someone sang "Suspiciuos Minds", even though the sunglasses were distracting. as for "A Little Less Conversation" - it looks like you've taken a class from the Taylor Hicks School of "Sleep through the song until the final half when you start giving a flip". that opening was so boring! and, i'm sorry, but neither of those performances warranted handling the mike stand like you're taming a lion. your tricks are starting to wear thin. tread lightly, Daughtrey.

Elliot - goodness, i hated both your songs. i thought you sang well on them, but you need to pick at least one Elvis classic. i didn't remember neither of those, and i've been to Graceland. that said, you were the only one who sang like something was at stake, which it probably is. i think you're going home. you have been in the bottom two too often to make up ground now. i'd like to see you stay - heck, i think it would be ridiculous if you won, but i just don't think the folks getcha. they don't know what to do with you!! but that said, you have gotten so far in the contest, it's like a victory in itself, blah blah blah...

Katharine - i'm cringing. i'm cringing so bad because you are probably safe when you so don't deserve to be. "Can't Help Falling in Love" is my dad's fave song, so there is some sentimental value there, but even if i was neutral to it, i would say you butchered it!! the begining was very soft and subtle and i was expecting (and, i'll admit, not looking forward to) greatness from you. but you did not deliver. the end was so scratchy and that chord progression at the very end - ugh, i can't stand that sh*t.

i thought the "Hound Dog/All Shook Up" mash-up was ambitious, but the word forgetting sunk the song.

my BF was feeling sorry for her and the small town she might have to return to if she gets eliminated, but i had to tell him that SHE'S FROM LA!!! do not feel sorry for her. judging by the drool coming down Tommy Mottola's face, her career will be fine.

go home, Katharine. go home!

Loho, cool the 'tude!!

i caught Lindsay Lohan on Leno last night - don't ask why i was watching, just appreciate that i told you. anyways, she was horrible!! so friggin' aloof and unsavory. to be fair, Jay put her in a corner - holding up photos of actors and asking whether or not she would date any of them. of course, Jared Leto was among them. at that point, she got really pissy and went on a "No comment" spree. the girl's got 'tude.

i worry about her, i do. i like La Lohan, as my previous posts have mentioned. but i think that she is getting hardened and bitter byt he publicity machine. which would be great if she were a songwriter (i dug "Confessions of Broken Heart", but Alanis, she is not), but when you're an actress, it only distracts us from taking you seriously. she could have kept her personal life off the radar and pulled an Evan Rachel Wood - does anyone know anything about this girl? - and coasted on her talent. but she chose to ride in the movie star lane instead, which is much faster today than it was in the days of Julia Roberts (seriously, how did she get away with all that dating without being labeled something nasty?).

check yourself before your wreck yourself, Loho. your new movie coming out looks like garbage and, apart from Prarie Home Companion the features you have lined up don't sound promising - people! when will you ever learn? move AWAY from "Directed by Emilio Estevez"!!! AWAY!!!!

this girl's creams my corn.

a snippet from my wednesday treat, The New York Observer:

"LAURIE: I decided a long time ago, well before I even met Josh, that I would not be drafting anyone into service as a bridesmaid. I do not care to inflict the following unto my friends, as they have (thus far) spared it unto me:

The shower. A necessity back in the days when girls would move from their childhood homes to the new, unfurnished places they'd share with their husbands. As I've been on my own since college graduation and lived with Josh for three years, I think it's in bad taste for me to have a party for my presents. I think it's in even worse taste to make my friends plan and pay for this party. Now, don't get me wrong: people want to buy gifts for a newlywed couple, and that's lovely and generous. I will set up a registry online for that purpose. I don't need to sit within a circle in my parents' living room, wearing a paper plate on my head and sipping punch while I open gifts. I've done it before, only it was called "my birthday, 1975 - 1992." It's not cute anymore.

The bachelorette party. Again, a good idea in a time when brides-to-be were ignorant virgins on the cusp on finally getting some. I'm not going to learn anything onstage at Lucky Cheng's, except how obscenely much money a scary drag queen with a toxic attitude can extort from a group of hyperventilating ninnies who have just eaten the world's worst food, washed down with watery cocktails."

the lady doth protest way too much. for someone who wants to show she's sticking it to convention, this lady seems pretty stuck to it. you can make your bridesmaid play as big or as little a part in the wedding as you'd like. and if you don't want one, don't have one. but it's a matter of choice, not of strength or wisdom, that you are doing so. no one cares that much. if you think you are "sparing" your friend, i say she's not that good a friend.

i'm inclined to drop my pants and leave a congratulatory turd on her doorstep.

i'm putting it in writing...

if i EVER start acting, talking, whining like Meredith Grey, drop to the floor, take out your magnifying glass and start looking for my dignity.

have you seen him?

it might be too late to catch him - he's coming out tonight. i saw him on saturday. i love this guy!! a lot of people think that he's a chump because he's not doing any "magic" with these stunts. but i say that it is ballsier and more ridiculous that it ISN'T magic. he's just doing terribly uncomfortable, dangerous stunts. i think he's great. i dug the block of ice, i tolerated the standing on the pole, but this fishbowl thing is awesome!! i feel like he unites the city with his craziness. the lines were long when i went saturday and i'm sure people came at all hours of the night to catch DB in various stages of activity. Lincoln Center was abuzz with an excitement that couldn't be matched by a million The Light in the Piazza's.

don't poo-poo David Blaine. you wouldn't want to be him. the dude is so tortured with his everyday life that he needs to threaten his health in order to get the least bit of a rush (if you don't believe me, watch him do street magic - he can barely contain his boredom at pulling a fast one over you). let him be.

Long live David Blaine!! (won't happen, but you can wish...)

a big "You shouldn't have" goes out to Jessica Simpson who reveals that, once you take away her sexy blond hair, she's dorky nasty.

learn from the mistakes of Ashlee - blond is bank.

the Hollywood crapshoot

being a good-ish looking scruffy white dude can either score you Brooke Shields...


or Tori Spelling...


Men, stubble with caution.

Poses

Tom Cruise channels Jason Schwartzman for a look i call, "Le Douchebag".


"You had me at 'Le Douchebag'!"

Laurence, you look so square, you'd need to do some serious Tina-beating to get back on our badass list.

more thoughts from the Costume Institute Gala

may the tsunami continue to be your Golden Ticket...


of course these three are hanging out! it makes so much sense!


if Amanda had waited until Julia Robert's horrid theater reviews overshadowed her own horrid theater reviews to ask for a dress, she wouldn't look like one of those generic Barbies they sell in cellophane bags.


don't pity Eve for not being able to class up - she knew what she was doing when she got those tats.


Minnie Driver: Maxi Freaky

out for blood

never content with simply ruining someone's career, the media has gone all Hostel on Kaavya Viswanathan, comparing her plagerized first novel to another book!!

the similarities here are much more subtle. if this is what they call copying, we all have copied.

this would never have gotten any press if she were older, or white, or not from Harvard. i haven't read the book, but from the passages printed in the paper, it doesn't seem very good!! $500,000?!? a movie deal from Dreamworks?!? maybe i need to read to it uncover the genius, but i don't get it.

will she get the Crimson boot?? that would make for a much better book!

Scenes from the Costume Institute Gala...

Marcia Marcia Marcia!! the FIRST rule of looking like a dude is that you NEVER go out in a Drag Queen 'do. 'tis a 'don't.

[insert your own "Gay Harden" joke here.]


"Ha!! Get it? I may look like a cracked-out homeless guy wearing a tux I found in the garbage, but I actually found it in Tim Meadow's old office.

"Now, where's my crack, bitch? [laughs uproariously at himself]"


oh Emmy, you once held such promise. now you're one of those girls who has to dress like a freak in order to get photographed. when did Anne Hathaway pass you by???


the Annual "My boyfriend humiliated me because he couldn't keep his d*ck in his pants" Meeting commences.


boy, for a former model (don't call her "Super" - she was only 5'6"), Jill Goodacre poses for beans. speaking of beans, feed some to Harry! he's getting dangerously skinny!

i wonder if things will work out with Grace & Leo??


March! pull yourself together!! no more pre-gala booze!!


when you can't hide behind, "Pat Field made me wear this", you're just a freak in a kilt.


Russell & Kimora: Keepin' it phony maroney.


who let you in? Angie, don't you know that without Sehorn, you're just half a celebrity? be like Stephanie March and follow the damn rules.


if SOMEONE knew they would be stading next to (ie be compared to, ie judged harshly against) SOMEONE ELSE all night, SOMEONE wouldn't have gotten their dress from the Prom section of Wet Seal.

don't worry, Fabrizio still loves you.


i can't make any jokes - this couple's too freakin' gorgeous!!


Les! after 5pm, Chenbot gets the evening wig! THE EVENING WIG!!

more snarkies to come, my pet...

fight for the right to spell check

hunky dory dreamy

i caught my new boyfriend on 60 Minutes last night. he's much more accessible in the daddy sweaters than the harsh suits. funny and sensitive? dreams do come true!

why do i keep forgetting Morley Safer isn't black??


i think when i hear "Morley" i think of Morgan Freeman, the definitive dignified black man. Poitier Schmoitier, he and Nat King Cole have ridiculous accents.