the BONMAN!!!

oh, have i been waiting for this!! JON BON JOVI!!! this is going to be the best idol night yet!

pre-performance thoughts:
- i think phil will sing "always"
- i am excited to see what melinda picks. if it's some stupid song no one knows, but was used in some 90's film soundtrack (no, i don't mean "Blaze of Glory"), she will be forever dead to me!
- beatboxing blake will return...

okay, let's get started!!

- poor bon jovi piano player! no respect!!

1. Phil - I LOVE YOU, PHIL!!!! "Blaze of Glory", awesome!!! so awesome!!! he ditched the hat!! but PHIL - why start in the audience! i don't know why people do this. it doesn't make your song sound better. but he has finally learned to walk and sing without sounding winded. phil is singing to win and it is glorious!!

Randy Jackson played on Blaze of Glory?!?!?! "You were like Steve Perry on a Bon Jovi Song!" - how many names can he mash and drop? Paula is acting like he is leaving tomorrow and apparently Simon agrees.

Song Choice - 5 Bonmans (out of a possible 5)
Performance - 4 1/2 Bonmans (only because he didn't RIP into the song at the end like Bonman does)

DON'T BE COCKY PHIL!!

2. Jordin - hmm..."Livin' on a Prayer"?!? i don't think i'm going to like this rendition..."My mom is going to flip out" - god, can you make the guy sound any older?!?!? Why did Jordin choose THE karaoke song of the ages! Jordin! your hair looks like BUTT. this is like when she sang Pat Benetar - i'm not buying it. she's a strong voice, but when she tries to sing 'tude, it just sounds muddied. i needed to hear GLOCKSON sing this!!! Jordin, you have revealed your Achille's heal...

man, the judges are so obvious - praising her for her mistakes?! jeez, so fake. we know you want her to win, can you sugarcoat it more? Simon, thanks for keeping it real.

Song Choice - 3 Bonmans (too familiar, too hard, should have sang "Always")
Performance - 1 Bonman

3. Lakisha - "This Ain't a Love Song"?!?!? i knew it, Lakisha would pick THE DUD. this song is the 51st most popular Bon Jovi song in iTunes! goodness, "I'll Be There for You"? "Always" (can you tell i love "Always"?) even the shitty "Bed of Roses" would have been better than this stupid song. BOO! i thought she sang it well for someone who learned it that day.

Song Choice - 0 Bonmans
Performance - 3 1/2 Bonmans

4. Blake - what happened to your hair? poop. the dude still can't sing! Bonman, you are a smart smart man. Blake, you look like a douchebag version of Jailhouse Rock. the man hides his paper-thin voice behind flashy clothes and beats. the gimmick train has jumped the tracks - please!! i want off!!

Song Choice - 4 Bonmans
Performance - 1/2 Bonmans (you must appreciate your enemies for the snark they provide you)

HEY!! MY FRIEND LENNON WAS JUST IN THAT MAYTAG COMMERCIAL!!! AMAZING!!

5. Chris - poor poor chris. always going to be compared to blake. for no reason at all. "make it like it's the last"? geez, do you want to ask to go home? Chris, you're a douche - how could you not know "i've seen a million faces...AND I ROCKED THEM ALL!"?!?!?!? the Bonman is showing his doubts. i'm with you, Bonman...i can feel the desperation radiating from his voice...singing too hard, trying too hard. the end picked up, but i don't think it was enough. when paula says "you did your thing", you know you're in trouble.

Song Choice - 4 1/2 Bonmans
Performance - 3 Bonmans

6. Melinda - god help me if you sing a song i've never heard of. "Have a Nice Day"?!?!? geez louise, Melinda, you are such a dork!!!!! she is the Rachael Ray of American Idol. Melinda, you needed to pick a song that THE FANS KNOW. i didn't want "Always" from you, but with Jordin singing so poorly, this was Melinda's chance to clean up, and she just slopped around in it.

Song Choice - 0 Bonmans
Performance - 3 Bonmans

WHO'S GOING? Chris and (sad to say) Phil